A MOTHER whose daughter was murdered and whose grief-stricken husband died of cancer has spoken of how she has come to terms with tragedy and has now committed to supporting a number of positive causes in their memory.

Gillian Millane, whose family have many Thurrock connections, has won a world-wide army of admirers for the way she has responded to tragedy and has told the BBC how she has coped by turning to positive thoughts.

Five years ago, after graduating from the University of Lincoln, her daughter Grace set out on a year-long solo backpacking adventure across the world.

After a six-week tour of Peru, she arrived in New Zealand. Less than a fortnight later, on the eve of her 22nd birthday, she was strangled to death by a man she met on a dating app.

Gillian was recovering from surgery for breast cancer and not able to join the search. Her husband, Grace's father David, flew out to New Zealand but a week later, their daughter's body was found in bushland on the outskirts of Auckland.

During a three-week trial, the family had to sit through her killer's attempts to pass the murder off as "rough sex" gone wrong and his claims that Grace asked to be strangled.

"I felt like Grace was on trial and she couldn't defend herself. As a parent, I didn't want to listen to that. It was horrendous," ," Gillian says.

"You can't ask for your own death. It is ludicrous this can be used as a defence."

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A jury unanimously convicted him of murder and he was sentenced to life in prison.

Grace with her mum, dad and brothers at her graduation.

Gillian has since campaigned against the rough sex defence, with the charity We Can't Consent To This, and has helped to change the law in England and Wales.

Two years after Grace's murder, Gillian's husband David died from cancer, which left her in a "really dark place".

Gillian credits her family and friends, long walks and "lots of counselling" for her still being here today.

"I did contemplate suicide. That is a horrid place to be. But I couldn't bring any more sadness to the family. I have people behind me who support me."

Christmas is a very difficult time for Gillian, so last year she decided to spend it climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, which was "incredibly emotional". She raised more than £30,000 climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in memory of her daughter and husband

Her efforts raised £33,000 for the White Ribbon charity, which aims to end male violence against women. "I just wanted to raise awareness and get that message out there about violence against women so that no other family has to live this life I live," she said.

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Grace's cousin, Hannah O'Callaghan (left), and Gillian were invited to 10 Downing Street to celebrate the award.

Four years ago, with her niece Hannah, Gillian also started the charity initiative Love Grace. They collect donated handbags and fill them with toiletries for domestic abuse victims.

So far, they have filled 15,600 bags for women in the UK and across the world and they received an award from the prime minister.

"It's a simple idea but it has really taken off," Gillian says. "We were just doing it for our grief so that Grace would never just be a number. They get this bag, they are not expecting it and they have gone through hell. We get hundreds of letters from people who have received the bags, it's heartbreaking."

Five years on from her daughter's death, living without Grace has not got any easier. But Gillian is still trying hard to face the sun.

"I should never have buried my child and certainly she should never have died the way she did. People keep saying I'm really strong but I don't think so, I'm just a mum."

Read Gillian's full interview here.