As part of Thurrock Nub News' continued support for Thurrock Fostering Services we are pleased to publish the latest feature on the benefits that looking after children who are in need of support brings.

Gary, 56 and his wife Caroline, who were inspired to start fostering after hearing a story during adoption training that stuck with them for years. 

The couple have been a fostering family for 12 years. They have two daughters, aged 17 and 20. 

"We were struggling to conceive and had decided to adopt, which involved learning all about fostering during the adoption training. My wife suddenly discovered she was pregnant, so we stopped the adoption process, but one story about a 2-and-a-half-year-old girl who was caring for her 6-month-old baby brother, dressing and feeding him, and putting him to bed, stayed with us for years." Gary said. 

The reality of this sad story struck a tone with Gary and Caroline when their daughter had her second birthday and was crawling around the floor playing with her toys. They both felt strongly that no toddler should ever feel the responsibility of looking after their baby brother or sister. 

"Children should have a childhood. No toddler should have to be looking through a bin searching for food to give to a younger sibling." 

Gary and his wife went on to have a second daughter of their own, but fostering remained in the back of their minds. They waited until their children were six and nine, old enough to understand what fostering was all about, and then started to look at fostering agencies. 

"We spoke to an independent fostering agency first, but everything seemed really money orientated which made us feel uncomfortable. So we rang social services at the council." 

Fostering | Thurrock Council

A social worker came out for the home visit, and they went straight into assessment and approval. It took them about eight months to get through to panel. 

"There are no questions they won't ask. At the time, when you're going through it, you think they're turning over every rock they can, and you don't fully understand why. It's only when you become a foster carer that you get it, and really understand. Then you appreciate why the social worker is trying to get to know you as well as they can." 

The social worker talked to Shannon and Emma; Gary and Caroline's daughters, on several occasions during the assessment process. Gary's oldest daughter, Shannon, understood it more than their younger daughter, and they all sat down and talked about and questions they had, which they still do to this day, even now the girls are older and Shannon has gone to university. 

Gary works as a warehouse operative, picking and packing orders. Previously he was an operations manager at a blue-chip logistics company. He wanted to move to a less stressful role when they started fostering so he'd be able to spend more time with the foster children. "Nowadays, I come to work for a rest, work's very non-stressful. I often do fostering supervision in my car in my lunchbreak, then at the end of the day I go home and play with the kids and enjoy being a dad and a foster dad." 

Gary and Caroline have so far fostered 19 children providing short term, long term, respite and emergency care. 

"Everyday things that we've always done with our girls have turned out to be amazing adventures for some of the children we've fostered. We had two girls come to live with us, who'd never baked a cake. The first time I baked a cake with them, they sat in front of the oven and gave me a running commentary on what was happening, as if the oven was the telly. Everyday things like having a set bed-time and a bed-time routine with bath, story and bed are new experiences for some children." 

Fostering a child with special needs 

When they were on holiday, they met a group of young people with Downs Syndrome and spent some time chatting with them. They subsequently read in a fostering newsletter that a long-term foster family was needed for a young girl with a range of needs, including Downs Syndrome. 

Gary and Caroline decided to see if they could offer her a home. "Every child is different, and every child with disabilities or special needs is just as different too. We had some great help from the therapeutic team suggesting different ways of working with her particular needs." 

She fit in well with the family and also formed a close bond with their dog, Brody until the time came for her to move on. "We didn't come into fostering for long-term fostering necessarily. When we started we were planning on giving as many children as possible a happy home, but as things have evolved, we've ended up with some longer term foster care situations. It's actually really nice because it gives the whole family stability - the worst thing about having a foster child come to live with you is saying good-bye when they leave, even if they are going on to an adoptive family." 

Their daughters are great with helping out with babysitting for the foster children. As a fostering ambassador, Gary also helps out with training programmes and speaking to people who are thinking about becoming a foster carer. 

"Make the call. Have a conversation about fostering, talk to someone who's already a foster carer. Find out if fostering is something you could do." 

Gary's wife is the main foster carer in their home, but Gary finds it so rewarding that he's seriously considering making it his final career choice when he retires. He set up an evening support group for local foster carers who work and foster, they meet up for a pie and a pint. Caroline calls it 'eating their way round town,' but for Gary and his fellow day job foster carers, it's somewhere where they can talk to fellow foster carers who understand what fostering and working is all about. 

You can watch Adam Buxton's interview with Gary below:

Could you be a foster parent? To find out more about fostering in Thurrock, visit: https://www.thurrock.gov.uk/fostering